I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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