Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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