He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
