i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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