Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We don't watch enough power rangers
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
