Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Can you bring me the toilet please
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
