I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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