so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
