Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We need to get me chipped asap
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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