We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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