sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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