And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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