Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
