I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
