Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
