It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
