she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm both gender and math confused
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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