i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize