Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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