Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I believe in your delicious
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
