they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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