I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
