Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
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We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
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I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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