Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
