How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
