Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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