I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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