after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
