I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I've blown a few things in my day
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
