im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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