He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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