living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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