I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
