Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
