woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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