If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
