I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
