I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
