@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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