If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
