His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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