There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
