FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
