The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
