we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
