i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
