it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
