Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
