Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
COCAINE IS GR8
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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