you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He passed out mid-signature
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
