dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?