what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms