My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
