If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I didn't notice because vodka
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..