There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right