i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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