So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
