So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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