i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
