He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
