So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
