hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
