What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
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