i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
