If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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