Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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