I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
