i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
