dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
