what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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