thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
